5 minutes on a rainy night

All that I could see, hear and feel.......... 5 minutes on a rainy night

The stillness
The passing cloud
The distant hum of traffic
The sound of raindrops splashing against the walls
The water flowing in the backyard fields
The thunder
The lightning
The well lit buildings far across de fields
The silhouette of the huge rocks between the darkness of the fields and the lights of the buildings
The cool breeze
The silence again......

On a rainy day........

Its raining outside..the place is deserted except for two or three people burried into their systems..there is music that I love.....it is a wonderful day! There is no specific reason i can give to explain why I feel this way.. but yeah feeling good I am!
May be the gentle cool breeze that went fondling me during the walk in the grass.. may the drops of rain.. may be in not holding an umbrella to distance myself from it.... may be feeling those drops on my skin.. may be de decision to ditch work for these small pleasures for a while.. may be getting to know some one nice.. may be de work that is getting done.. may be the realisation that I'd be leaving for home soon.. may be.......may be..........
I dont even want to put it all down, the way I feel; or rather i wouldnt be able to. But then such nice feeling shouldnt go unrecorded. This evening shall find a place in my blog. May be I'll read this some other day and live it all over again......may be....

Melancholy in the wind and Sorrow in the grass..

What do I lack that I complain? What have I lost that I crib? What do I want that I keep hoping for? Well, nothing and everything…. Sometimes, some days, I feel a sorrow which is not mine… sometimes, some days I feel a sorrow that is all mine. Reason, no reason…. I don’t feel like hunting for the reason… I don’t feel like digging the grave.. I don’t feel like driving it out; for, why should I? I want it to sink in, conquer me and remain…… until it can no longer possess me.. I then just let it go or rather watch it go. But when it is there, it is all mine. I bask in it; I suffer with it; I cry with it; I live with it; it is all mine…..Nay, glorifying sorrow, am not! Am just giving it what is rightfully due…….. She is not a pretty child. That doesn’t deny her the right to exist. She shall be born at the hour destined, she shall grow feeding on you and me, she shall die an obscure death. But exist, she shall… may be not now, may be not then.. but sometime… exist, she shall. To her, I whisper “ Come to me when am tired of all the sweetness; come to me when I am suffocated of all the goodness; I shall then nurture you, hold you dear..

But leave you must someday and fly far away….. I shall nurture you, see you acquire wings and let you fly away, when the day comes… until then, you shall be mine… all mine… and the loved one, for in death, you leave happiness behind.”

Women's Day 2

Never have I been very particular about celebrating women's day. To me, every day is my own day, no matter how it goes. If it was a bad day, it is a 'my bad day', if it was good, it is a ' my good day' or atleast, ' my OK day'.The point is, they're all my days. So no specific day excites me just because its a women's day or anything else for that matter. This time around, I happened to be at TCS for my internship. There came an order that all women of the section have to wear saree or end up giving a treat to all the others. The saree idea being less scary of the two, I decided to comply with the order. But where do I go for one in this alien city? As me and my project mate kept hunting for one, my schoolmate came to our rescue. She happens to live in the same flat as that of my project mate and so, both of us managed to grab one each from her. A half hearted wake up in the morning, some clumsy attempts at tying the saree and some quick fixes later, we set off to the office hoping nothing horrible happened... Thankfully, nothing happened to embarass us. Anyways, it was fun, going around in saree at work ( no, not everyday.... that would be tough)

Women's Day

It came, it went.. Not many reflections, not many inspirations, not even any reason. That was international Women's day for me. Nah, I dont not believe in the essence of womanhood. But I dont agree with what is done in the name of celebrating women's day. Let me think, what would I want a day specially set aside to celebrate womanhood to be? That requires me to define my idea of womanhood. I dont know if I can put down all that I think and feel, but yeah am making an attempt. The very word 'woman' always comes to me with 'sensitivity' and 'feel' tagged along. That is something that majorly characterizes women- the ability to feel and be sensitive.Then comes an eye that can appreciate things beautiful and creative; a mind that can analyse situations and decide the best course of action; a will that can be break through any hurdle, if need be; a heart that is kind.... and ofcourse, there are those reservoirs of tears, obsession with beauty, too much senti, jealousy, gossips... all this comes as a single package.
True, there are places where women's day cherishes the great work of women and gives the impetus to reach for the stars. But this, sadly, is not what is popular. All of media and the corporate world sells a whole new concept for women's day to our women. They precisely build on those minuses of theirs.Buy more cosmetics to be beautiful, celebrity gossips, so on and so forth. Is this how we want to celebrate ourselves and what we stand for?
That aside, the very concept of women achievers annoys me. Who are achievers? what is achievement? nobel lauretes? business women? scientists? models? writers? actresses? all these and more of the rest. While the people referred to by their professions are indeed achievers, they dont define achievement. Any talent is partly inborn and partly hardwork. While they definitely need to be appreciated for their hardwork and talent, we also need to look at the other women who, in their own ways, are changing the ways things work. These professionals get paid, get recognition for their work; but what about those who work with the single aim of changing the world, dont get rewarded in any form, still go on in the path that they have chosen? what about my servant maid who has been coming to work 99% of the days despite having a drunkard husband who keeps getting into some trouble or the other? what about the friendly lady at the cafe in my college who keeps innovating to satisfy the customers even without a promise of pay hike or appreciation?what about the illiterate woman of some non descript village in maharashtra who was kicked out of her house, fully pregnant with a girl baby, and who went on to educate dozens of orphaned kids to produce doctors, lawyers and responsible citizens?what about women who have to fight everyday to merely exist? Arent they achievers too? Shouldn't they be celebrated? We seem to have a tendency of filling the platter of those already overfed and ignore the starving. It is time we shift our parameters to define what is achievement and what is not; it is time we stopped looking just at those distant stars and started looking at the flowers being crushed under our foot;it is time we celebrated the real woman....

Welcome to India Mr. Bush! But we can do without you!

As the Government of India lays out a red carpet for this madman of the millenium, I’d like to mark my protest by just penning down my thoughts in my own blog.. There isn’t much I’d like to talk about the mighty Mr. Bush. But the way our Government goes behind him wagging their tails like stray dogs going after a piece of meat ( despite knowing that its rotten!) is sick and defies all reason. I’ll let Mr. Bush talk for himself. Over to Mr. George Bush Jr.

"They misunderestimated me." — George W. Bush, Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

"I think we are welcomed. But it was not a peaceful welcome." —George W. Bush, defending Vice President Dick Cheney's pre-war assertion that the United States would be welcomed in Iraq as liberators, NBC Nightly News interview, Dec. 12, 2005

"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." —Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001

"Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" —Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' —Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

"I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." —Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001

"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." —LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

"I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." — President's Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002

"We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." —Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001

"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself." —Grand Rapids, Mich., Jan. 29, 2003

"I saw a poll that said the right track/wrong track in Iraq was better than here in America. It's pretty darn strong. I mean, the people see a better future." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004

"We need an energy bill that encourages consumption." —Trenton, N.J., Sept. 23, 2002

"Do you have blacks, too?" —to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001

"It is white." —after being asked by a child in Britain what the White House was like, July 19, 2001

"I'm also not very analytical. You know I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things." —aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003

"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe — I believe what I believe is right." —Rome, Italy, July 22,

I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it…I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet….I don't want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I'm confident I have. I just haven't — you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one." —on being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2004

"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001

"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." —Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002

"I try to go for longer runs, but it's tough around here at the White House on the outdoor track. It's sad that I can't run longer. It's one of the saddest things about the presidency." —interview with "Runners World," Aug. 2002

I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job." —to a group of Amish he met with privately, July 9, 2004

I can only speak to myself." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

Well, we've made the decision to defeat the terrorists abroad so we don't have to face them here at home. And when you engage the terrorists abroad, it causes activity and action." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

"It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

"Those who enter the country illegally violate the law." —George W. Bush, Tucson, Ariz., Nov. 28, 2005

"It's totally wiped out. ... It's devastating, it's got to be doubly devastating on the ground." —George W. Bush, turning to his aides while surveying Hurricane Katrina flood damage from Air Force One , Aug. 31, 2005

Because he's hiding." —George W. Bush, responding to a reporter who asked why Osama bin Laden had not been caught, aboard Air Force One, Jan. 14, 2005

"I'm also mindful that man should never try to put words in God's mouth. I mean, we should never ascribe natural disasters or anything else to God. We are in no way, shape, or form should a human being, play God." —George W. Bush, ABC's 20/20, Washington D.C., Jan. 14, 2005

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

"I'm the commander — see, I don't need to explain — I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." —as quoted in Bob Woodward's Bush at War

Dhruva's musings

The following was written by Dhruva, a friend of mine. I found it echoing my
own feelings and hence am putting it up here

I don't know whether it's me or it's everybody else. Probably
both.
Everybody is going on pretending that everything is just fine.
But they're boiling inside. Even I'm putting on a show anytime
anyone asks what's up. Ya man, things are okay, just another
couple of months of college, don't know what to do but I think
I'll manage.And all the time I'm shit scared inside. It's like,
whats the use in telling people that you're concerned about
something or scared of something?How many people can we actually
talk to about our fears? That's how many real friends we have.
We keep seeing things in ourselves that we don't want to see,
don't want to acknowledge. And that makes us only look at things
on the surface, to try and hold on to. Background, 'talent',
flair, being cool, being cool because you're uncool, being a
super-me,hating and condemning everybody else as big fools
because I'm the only person who knows the secret to happiness.
But what makes us hold on? Why do we keep trying to say, I'm this,
I'm that,I'm not this, I'm not that, I should do this, not that,
this is good, that is bad?It's funny because we keep talking all
the time about freedom and free spirit and all that like it's a
distant dream, and at the same time, we only try to keep it as a
dream because we don't want it now.We want to build these big
ideas,these buildings, we make plans, we think we should do
things this way or that way because this is what I believe in and
that's not what I believe in. This-ism, that-ism. And in the end,
the thing we build or make will reflect all of that, but we're too
stuck to see it. We don't want to be wrong. We think and then
we freeze and then that's who we are for the rest of eternity.
And then if we want to be something else, we beat up ourselves
about that too.
And as a part of the yo! generation, we continue to criticise
governments and corporations and institutions and power structures
and families and parents and traditions for saying 'Do this, do
that,don't do this, don't do that, when the real culprits are
ourselves. We don't see that most of the things we do and think
are just reactions.We don't allow ourselves to evolve. It's all
in jerks and pushes and shoves. Yes, no, no, yes. We choose to
see the differences among ourselves, but don't see the similarities.
We don't even see that we have a choice about that. We all want to
have all the answers. We want to play all games on our own terms.
We're still slaves. We want slavery. We don't want to accept that
we can actually do anything anytime anywhere. The thought is scary.
We only want to project the illusion of freedom by showing people
that we are go-getters and big achievers and what not. But we're
driven by our own blocks. We often don't want to acknowledge what
we don't know.

How technology is screwing my life! :(

Sorry folks, those of you who are hardcore techies. But I just realized that all those automated technologies have been screwing my life rather than making it easier.

Scene I:

A month back, I lost my mobile and the person who stole it has apparently been misusing it. To block that number I was required to produce a copy of the FIR, which I promptly did. The number was blocked, but the problem was in getting my replacement sim activated. After being misguided for n times by the customer care service of my service provider, I was finally asked to contact their nearest showroom. It was then that those guys discovered that they cant do anything either. Run back to the outlet where I got the sim. Now, they had this unintelligible software problem, about which they could do nothing. And they didn’t know who could do something about it or when the problem would be taken care of…. Two days of screaming at all those people.. I had to leave the city without my sim ever getting activated :(

Scene II

My prepaid card’s validity got over and I wanted an immediate recharge. In office for work, I thought I’d go in for the online recharge facility that my bank and the service provider jointly offered. So here I get a taste of the so-ezee online banking/recharge. The amount for recharge gets deducted from my bank account but My card has not been recharged even after 24 hours of parting with my money. When I went to the nearest dealer to register a complaint, all that they tell me is that nothing can be done about it until things are taken care of automatically. May be, they suggest, I should take another recharge card to receive calls until the previous one starts working.. What the ****?

Now one thing that I observed in both the situations is that nobody takes any responsibility. Afterall, the dealer is not responsible for ur sim not getting activated, nor is the customer care executive….. you cant blame them.. that’s unfair! So, who is responsible? Whom can you question? If technology is about disowning responsibility and cooking up excuses and having to put up with poor service, hell with it!

Rang De Basanti

Finally, I got to see this movie... I should say that I liked it. I've been disturbed ever since I came back from the movie hall. Its not just the movie, its more about the way we react to things. I made it a point to observe all the faces coming out of the theatre. Sad... morose... just shades of the same basic emotion; but none angry.... I understand that this is microcosmic of the way our people as a nation react to things. We are a nation of defeatists.. we accept things the way they are; we know something is bad, but we also 'know' that nothing can be done about it. We are comfortable living with the known devil. This resigned attitude annoys me. Are we dead? Why cant we resist something that we know is injustice? Why dont we ever question?
I felt the surge of a deep rooted anger in me when I saw the movie. You might laugh at me for saying that. I give you that liberty... You might say that its just a movie.. nothing of that can happen in real;but in this, I beat you! It does...
I feel angry because I know that its not just a movie, because I remember the footage of the lathi charge in Bhopal of the peaceful protestors where Nity was getting beaten up and arrested (I called it romantic then!), because I remember that the zapatistas who are fighting against a government that sells their land and brands them as a threat to the nation, because I remember that the tribals of New Papua are killed mercilessly in trying to protect their mother forest, because I know that the tribals in Orissa are getting killed in the process of establishing their rights,because an innocent fisherman in a hamlet down south was asked to change his profession when he got an acid burn due to the callousness of the industry monsters, because I know that inspite of all this brutality there are people who dont give up and there are people who keep fighting it with all that they have,because I know that such things happen now, this very moment in some part of this country, in some part of the world and because I am bloody well able to see... Blame it on my senses!
And untill the rest of the society starts feeling angry, we shall make movies.. we shall feel sorry....

Its a world of difference!

I just discovered how difficult it is, just being me!Hold on... its not about all those principles and ideas that I keep talkin about.. Its about being Ms.Bhuvana Murali, the way I am..
Well, I dont seem to be able to categorize myself, fit myself anywhere at all... I seem to be such a cocktail ( that sounds fancy!) But then, why do I have to fit in somewhere? There's this constant necessity of having to identify yourself to others in order to be able to DEFINE yourself. So am I a capitalist or socialist? Do I prefer to be formal or alternative or bohemian? Do I like continental or south Indian? Am I an altruist or am I a misanthrope?The list goes on...
This obsession with being either black or white... why? Why cant there be gray? or why cant I be nothing... why cant I be something of everything, why cant I be something now and another thing later.. Ofcourse, that is how I am.. so how do I then define myself to people who dont acknowledge the existence of such differences?
I dont believe in building relationship strictly based on things common... Yeah, its fun to have someone who shares your interests and opinions but wont that make you the frog in the well? I need variety, I need flavours, I need colours......... I need a difference, for, in diversity, I grow....in diversity, I live....... in diversity, I am!

Beyond the obvious

So here we are, a nation of software engineers... there are dozens of those Indian MNCs doing good business. Suddenly, it seems like these companies have made our population more urbane, more productive and more of everything that we ever want to be. But sadly thats not the truth. These companies have only made our youth more dumb than ever. In one such companies for my internship... just been here for a month and am already feelin suffocated, wasted.. Yeah, they work, they earn, they spend... wat then?
What about the quality of work? What about innovative thought process? What about job satisfaction? Excuse me! did I just make a mistake?!
Most of this working culture, this environment doesnt make sense (to me, that is!) I can guarantee that not more than 10% of the working population is occupied with work for more than half their stay in the office during the day. But you've got to be there.... you stare at the walls, you chat, you snore, you hatch eggs.. no issues; just be there. Nothing to boost your intellect. No interaction ( save it for the once-in-a- bluemoon picnics or parties). The only active interaction I observe here is the kind when someone gets sweets to celebrate an occasion; then the entire department swarms around that person throughout the day. They dont talk the day before, nor the day after. Its like you know.... one night stand. Ugh! Worse than all of these is their work. Most of it is plagiarism. I have no idea if just converting an algorithm into a program and commercializing is one... but am sure it has nothing innovative to do with it. Here, challege lies in finishing your work on time, in overcoming your laziness,in lifting your finger, in staying awake......... Well, over my head!

Sad! Sad! Sad!!

Take diversion

Its a war against terror! Thats the hot ( or has it already become stale?)topic doing the rounds at the media houses. And the numerous crash courses on how to lead a peaceful life, the self help books.. whew! The world just seems to be so full of people who want only peace but are forced to live in a harsh environment!

The inherent restlessness of the society is only becoming more apparent these days. Every community has its own version of it- terrorism, resistance movements, communal riots, murder, sexual assaults, petty crimes ... So, assuming that this is not what we want, how did such violence and terror become established?

Think about it! We can probably be looking at these from many angles like- mode of expression (violence/ offense) , target population ( antisocial ) etc if we go the routine way. But if we decide to take a deeper look at it, we might probably have to examine the root cause behind all this unrest. What good reason can there be at the root of societal unrest of different natures, some of you might ask... or the better lot of you might actually pop out with the answer that the injustice done to the perpetrator somewhere down the line by the society or its prominent members is what is the common thread is.. Well, may be thats true. But that still doesn't address the basic question ( atleast from how I look at it)

To me, the root of such restlessness traces down to the way we equip our citizens to live life. Take a look at any of the millions of schools around the world. Almost all of them, with may be some exceptions , use punishment as an effective tool to handle any misbehavior. No fault of a child is tolerated in a classroom and is invariably awarded with either a physical punishment or a mental one (being labeled, insulted in front of the class). It is here that we sow into those little minds that any deviation from the normal/ accepted behavior should be dealt with severely. No attempt is made at actually analyzing the fault, understanding it or correcting it. We do not make allowances for the innocent actions of those children. In many cases, the kids come to know that they actually did something wrong only when they are punished for their actions. So it is recorded into their minds that this action is not accepted and repeating it would invite the wrath of the teacher or any adult for that matter; no explanations offered as to why it is not acceptable, how it would hurt the others. You hurt me- I hurt you harder... thats it. This is what we convey to our kids. Perplexed, finding no one to offer an explanation, these kids develop a database for themselves on the list of unaccepted social behavior and the punishments associated with them. This becomes their Bible in interacting with people. Even when two kids fight, the teacher punishes the one who appears to be the most aggressive and tries to put an end to the issue. MESSAGE: Stop a violent action with greater violence. The strongest then, seems to be the fairest. May be this is our own way of interpreting Darwin's theory of survival of the fittest. Too much of science to be brought in to human relationships!

As the child grows up and encounters with any injustice he thinks is done to him, he just reacts the way he has been programmed to. Afterall, we haven't taught him to think.. We've just taught him to follow.

If our race can admit to this blunder that we've committed, it'd probably help us revise our methods, if not undo. And for those of you who've been wondering what this world is coming to, its just following the coordinates that we've set. It would be hence, wise for us to change the coordinates before its too late.

Missin ya ppl!

Three and half years spent in a college you loathe and would never like to go back to doesn't seem to be as simple as that afterall... Yeah, you hate it, you wish you had never gone there in the first place, you never intend to go back there.. but is that all? strangely, NO!
When I look back, I can't help but remember all the fun I had there despite the number of lows I experienced. The bad times I had to pull through might far exceed the good times. But surprisingly, I can only remember the good times vividly. I have no memory of the details of those bad times. It was bad... thats about it.
First year was amazing. It was then that none of us had any formed opinions and gelled with almost everybody equally well. There were no groups to start with. Life was one big party! But then slowly, all those fights and quarrels cropped up. For the short tempered person that I was, I seemed to be picking up one far too often. Even then, we could forget, we could forgive..... Afterall, we were away from home and needed to be there for each other... Some differences were inherent and inevitable. We learnt to live with it... To compensate for these were all those midnight birthday parties, birthday bumps, throwing cake at each other, getting caught by the warden, giggling through a round of firing, the treats, the photo sessions, the ghost- calling, year end batch party.... fun, fun and more fun!
Then came the second year when people were forced to stick to certain groups for ease of survival ( u've got to choose ur roomies!) Everyday parliament stopped forever now. A hi here and a bye there... this would do to maintain that line of friendship. One's circle became reduced to one's own room and may be one or two more. You live with them, you go to class with them, you party with them, go out with them.. its a 24*7 relationship. Now again, you've been seeing and sticking to them for too long. Minor differences are magnified manifold. All you need is a change. Afterall, haven't you adjusted enough? Also, you feel this circle might not exactly contribute to your intellectual requirements. Oh God! How did I end up in this circle at all?Bang comes a split.But you're not exactly sad; you needed it desperately...
And here.. you're now in the third year- the pre final! With new room mates, life seems to be easier. Now faced with the tough question of what to do next, you brainstorm every night prepare for one of those million exams that'll help you get through the next stage of life. Tension, tension, tension... but hey atleast you feel responsible! Thats when things suddenly change. You start questioning yourself, your ambitions, your principles and almost everything around you. Do you actually wanna go for what everybody else does? Dont you wanna live a purposeful/meaningful life? Then you drop all your previous plans and go on this new path that you've chosen.., and you're happy with it; only you lose a couple more friends. But it really doesn't matter. Its nothing before the satisfaction you derive from treading the path that you've chosen. You are satisfied with your life....
Finally, the final year. The campus recruitment fanfare marks the beginning of the year. You land up in a decent job at the very beginning and are very pleased with yourself. The preparation, interview and the post recruitment congratulations, you forget all differences and become friends with everybody again. You've gained your friends back and you're happy. Life cant be better. Each day moves with the thought that this is gonna be the last few months that you can spend with your friends and it only makes you all the more determined to have all the fun before the year comes to an abrupt end.You choose to ignore the differences, give up sometimes, avoid any possible arguments, choose to look at only the positives of the others and in the process, realise that you have your own faults too! This is one period that defines your entire college life, for you only want to make the best out of the available time and prepare yourself for the future challenges. This is one time which helps you understand that the differences could have been tolerated, the splits and the ugly fights avoided.... you realize that your friends are wonderful no matter what happened in the past, you come to appreciate that they're just like you are and that they might have yielded to momentary pressures and frustrations just as you did, you repent for all the lost time that could have been spent in their company.....Never mind! you now treasure them all the more! It is wonderful, you have no complaints, you even forgive your faculties(!) for wasting your precious time and brains.... Then comes the painful parting. Writing slam books, taking pictures... there's so much to do before we leave.. But with all these comes the promise that you'd always keep in touch and never forget each other. The last minute teary eyed hugs and kisses, not wanting to say bye, promises, hopes............ missing ya ppl!

NOTE: This is specially dedicated to my very special friends vithya, dhivya, priya, pops, mei, jaggu, raji, pavitra who tolerated me, accepted me and loved me( I believe they do!) with all my pluses and more of my minuses. I've been nasty to them at times, but deep inside, I love them all a lot. I know I couldnt have made it through these years without them. May be I could have, but then, they made it wonderful and they made it special!

Learning.. redefined!

 Two useless weeks at TCS……I needed a break! That was
when I decided to bunk work on Friday and visit the
Centre for Learning. I fixed up an appointment with Ms.
Gurveen Kaur for the day and left for the place without
any idea about the Centre. After a long journey ( and
getting lost in the deserted village that the place
was!) I was welcomed by a couple of cheerful old women.
As I entered the place a quote by Mark Twain hit me hard
“Don’t let the school interfere with your
learning!”…Over lunch we had our introduction session.
After the lunch, Gurveen aunty introduced me to the
senior bunch of kids (class six and seven… they have
classes only till seventh grade). This small group was
anything but the normal school kids you’d expect to
meet. With their impeccable language ( they learn a lot
of them out here- Bengali, Assamese, Telugu, Hindi,
English and know a bit of Tamil and Malayalam too!)
they initiated a conversation with me. I could see no
inhibitions in them despite the fact that I was a
stranger. And whats more, they asked their teachers to
leave them alone with me. So did the teacher without a
scowl… Each one narrated how they were labeled in the
previous institutions that they studied in as ‘FAILURES’
and how they’ve come to enjoy learning at CFL.  Here,
students are not put into the respective classes
according to their age; instead, their learning
abilities, the actual content that they’ve learnt are
assessed and are put in classes accordingly. A girl
jokingly asked her classmate if he was not ashamed of
being in class six at the age of fifteen. I thought it
was gonna be ugly. I expected the girl to be warned by
the teacher. But the teacher told her very patiently “
My dear child, look at it from this point of view… I do
not know German language. If I start learning it now,
I’d be in at the kindergarten level. But I don’t think
that is something that I should be ashamed of. The very
fact that I’ve realized that I don’t know something and
that I’ve set out to learn it is to be appreciated and
that is what matters!” I was stunned. Never in my school
life has a teacher dealt with a student at fault with
such patience and common sense. I don’t think that girl
would ever forget this reply in her life; nor do I think
that she’d make fun of people the way she just did…
Isn’t this education? Shouldn’t we be providing just
this to our kids? Well I strongly believe so! Even the
process of evaluation in this school involves the
participation of the students. The students are asked if
they’re happy with their progress, how better they think
they could have performed, what they think needs to be
done to do better and so on. Each child’s evaluation is
tailor made and is based on the joint analysis of
his/her progress by the child and the teacher. There are
no exams to rank them. When I asked the students how
they felt about not having exams, pat came a reply “Yeah
we can do without exams. But our friends in other
schools say that exams are a big tension. We’d like to
have exams once to see if they’re actually one!”.. We
then left the students to work on their own (it was a
craft class) to have a discussion. I could observe no
chaos in the absence of a teacher. Each one went about
doing his own job with of course some soft talking. In a
normal school, this never happens; even if it does,
there is an element of threat of punishment involved.
But here, the children needed no instructions, no
threats, no monitors. That in itself is a big
achievement for the school. I saw parents waiting after
the school hours to collect their wards. But the
students weren’t really too eager to leave school the
moment it was over. In fact , the teacher had to remind
them that it was time to go home. A juxtaposition of
this with a typical scenario in any other school made a
huge contrast. I remember reading once that the quality
of a school can be assessed from how eager the kids run
out as soon as the bell rings. That way, this was the
best school I’ve ever seen. Coming out of the school,
the guys of the higher classes escort the girls till
some point to avoid any potential problems from the
‘men’ in that locality. As I walked back to the nearest
bus stop with a teacher, she expressed how happy she is,
to work with these kids. She also says that there is no
‘Bell System’ in the school because that would restrict
both the teacher and the students in choosing to work
either more or less on a particular subject. This way
the students get to choose if and how long he wants to
work on a subject on a particular day. I can go on and

on about this school… But to sum it up all, I should say
am awe inspired.

Being a girl....Being glad

So, here I go, on as many rotations around the Sun,as would life permit....but only, differently abled than the clan that supposedly rules this planet-'the male'. How differently abled,is a question to be answered. What makes me, or the rest of us-'the ruled' different from 'the rulers'?I would like to clarify that this is no hate article by one of those feminists out on a cry for women empowerment.Well the myth of 'the ruled' and 'the rulers' was one thing that changed the face of this earth like no other concept did.It has restricted mankind to unimaginably small circles.
Biologically, we were indeed created different with abilities to perform different tasks.But to force each other to stick to a set of things even if one is capable of doing more is to make fools out of ourselves.This not only applies to men forcing women to the confines of four walls but women refusing to accept a helping hand from men in the kitchen;a man who does that is 'unmanly'!This narrow line of thought would never lead the feminists or even the genuine fighters attain what they wish for-women empowerment.
A lot of thinking has to go into the very definition of the term women empowerment. Who will empower us????-the men?What do we want in the name of empowerment?When I consider my own life, I only realise that I have to empower myself to do what I want and that there is nobody out there waiting to offer it all in a platter.I get what I want and what I decide to give myself.Ofcourse, there would be a lot of brandings and calling names in the process.But that is too small a price to pay for what you really want.Sensitizing ourselves,being aware and awake and the very process of being is important.Who can teach us to enjoy life?When we start enjoying our own lives, who could ever make us feel bad?After all, if we let someone hurt us,we probably deserve it.
So the very course that the fight has taken is misleading....let us not fool ourselves.We're not fighting the true enemy...infact there is no enemy,but yeah there are ignorant people;they just need to be given as much importance as their actions deserve.Now the question is,what would our own actions be and not what the reactions would be......Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.It is to be expected.Ultimately,its our responsibility to fashion our actions so that when the reactions occur, we get projected in the direction we want to march.......

What is what is.....@@!..!??

The other day I was reading a collection of J.Krishnamoorthy's talks on self-knowledge(now, dont brand me.this is only a rare phenomenon that occurs in times of depression or total joblessness).I stumbled upon his answer for a question on the duality.He says that duality is a result of an inner conflict between 'what is' and 'what is not'.In his example,he takes takes arrogance, the not socially acceptable virtue(!) as 'what is' and humility,the ideal virtue as 'what is not'.In his desire to be the ideal and hence socially be accepted,the individual strives to be 'what is not'.This creates conflict and ultimately the duality and the perplexity...
So much for social acceptance!I assume that this craving for the social acceptance stems from the conditioning.The society has laid down things that are acceptable for itself and things that are not.Who decides?Unfortunately,somebody did and we chose to follow blindly...When I decide that I do not need the acceptance of the society and just be 'what is',the society just cannot take it.It follows me,it is 'concerned' and it forcefully makes me believe that without its acceptance I would be doomed(which I would gladly be).Now,I dare to make a second assumption that Iam firm about being 'what is'.Here comes the herculean task-how do I identify 'what is' and 'what is not'?
We cannot follow krishnamoorthy's example and come to a conclusion that the socially unacceptable is always 'what is'.It might just not be the case.We cannot also decide that we see the socially acceptable as 'what is' only because of the conditioning.It might be 'what is' afterall....If I have to break all the conditioning to know 'what is' and 'what is not',how do I go about it?Is it really possible to still live in this society and break the very conditioning that it has forced upon me.Well though I think that breaking the conditioning might be possible,it would be quite difficult to say the same about identifying 'what is' and 'what is not'.If we take happiness and self satisfaction as measures to identify 'what is' there is a possiblity for us to be wrong.The happiness might just be because of the change or something that is momentary.I might not enjoy doing it for long.
So what then is the solution to this problem of identifying 'what is' and 'what is not'?I need time.........I need to reflect on myself,my priorities,things that I dont mind losing for 'what is'.I need to know both 'what is' and 'what is not' and then let 'what is' permeate me and stay forever.This,ofcourse wouldn't be an effort which it should not be in any case.It should just be experiencing both and letting 'what is' take its place all by itself.But time is what appears to be too dear.The question of to be or not to be that I had raised earlier interferes with this process of identifying 'what is'.Suddenly,my time doesnt seem to be mine afterall....Its the 'concerned' society that dictates what is to be done at each stage.One has to wait untill one is independent(in the worldly sense..hmmm.....financially??) because, you are not allowed to disobey your parents or shatter their dreams.Would the wait ever end?

The indifferent college student-An insider's perspective

WARNING:This post was written in a moment of immense despair and a personal low.It might not be a good read for you, it might be crap. But to me, it signifies something that I went through.I do not want to erase it from my life just because it wasn't good. So this post stays put!


‘College!’-I have always fancied being in one when I was a school-going kid. The fun, the carefree days, the not having to wear uniforms – all these things that are inseparable from the image of college life were irresistible to me. All the mugging, tuitions, board exams, entrance exams, and finally, here I am in a professional college! I see all that I had expected and envisioned but I also see more…
Hey wait! There seems to be something odd about this place. Why do I feel like an alien here? Is it something with me or is it something with the rest of the people? The more I try to see what my peers see, the more blurred my vision gets. As I try to grope in the darkness, I see faint images of men and women all excited. The very little that I can hear of their conversation hardly helps me in comprehending the situation. ‘Hey guys, there’s this movie hitting the theatres today!’ ‘You know, he proposed last week. Lets party!!’ ‘ I got this new outfit which that actress sports in her new movie’. The pitch gets higher and higher and so does the excitement. Though I understand the words, I don’t seem to gather what they’re all excited about. Confused and perplexed, I come back to my room. The music is loud, there are Sheldons and tattered Mills and Boons strewn around, the tap in the wash is open and nobody seems to have a problem with the> overflowing water. ‘Oh God! What do I suffer from? I am so lost in this place’
Parents and friends from back home advise me to try and get along with my college mates. I put in all efforts and participate in their conversations, I go to movies with them, I try to party the way they do; but I always feel suffocated at the end of the day. I am unable to read the novels that they read, unable to discuss guys, love or movies for hours together. I end up having fights; get branded as a haughty person and ….I keep shifting rooms.
One fine day, I decide to stop trying and take sometime off. The mood is somber and that of retrospection. I realize some thing that I had failed to see all along. These people do not care for things happening around them. It doesn’t matter if people get killed, if their very own air and water get polluted; as long as it doesn’t happen to them, they really don’t care! And even if it is happening to them, they are not aware of it. As one of them puts it ‘I don’t care if thousands of people get killed in the process of me making money. I can’t go out of my way to help people live. Ultimately, if they survive and I don’t, it doesn’t make any sense!’ Their idea of helping the society is to donate some money and their old, torn clothes during natural calamities. There ends their social responsibility. To them, distributing sweets to orphaned kids is the best possible charity. I also realize that they have never been able to see what I see. I looked up these symptoms in my own medical dictionary and was really alarmed. These were the signs of an epidemic that could be highly detrimental to the society and the youngsters were a particularly vulnerable group. I scrolled down the page and found the name of this disease that they suffer from - 'Indifference!'
So after all, it was not me who was diseased all these days. Thank God, I am immune…

A journey towards discovery

Bunking college, a bunch of lies to mom… and there I was, on my way to Cuddalore.For a sea loving person that I am, the journey along the coastline was a joy in itself. The articles that we (me and laks) read, the documentaries that we had seen and the first hand accounts by shweta had made us believe that we knew enough about the problems in Cuddalore. We were in for a shock the moment our auto entered the SIPCOT area. After all, we hadn’t known the intensity of the problem all this while! If there exists a word that could describe the stench of the place, I just didn’t know it…
Holding our breaths, we reached the Sangolikuppam village. We were there to be a part of the art workshop for the children of the Government school by Blodsow. As we approached the school with the mental picture of a typical Government school, we were greeted by the bright blooms of a very ‘green’ and well maintained structure. The children were amazing, given the circumstances and the surroundings in which they live. They were all bubbly, eager to learn and waiting to exhibit their talents. The kids were too happy to dig into mud and splash it on their charts. Later when Blodsow and the rest of us tried to talk to the kids about industrial pollution, they came out with their own experiences, how their parents have been affected and the time when they went without food for days in a row. We weren’t ready for such a matter of factly, plain talk from those young minds. But in a way, it was comforting to know that these kids understood the problem and had a strong hatred for the industries that were playing with their lives. We wound up for the day and the kids would let us go only if we promised to come back the next day.
Traveling back to the town through the same stench, we reached our hotel rooms just in time to crash. When we woke up after about four hours in the evening, we had a horrible headache, a burning sensation down the windpipe and an aching stomach- this was the effect of half-a-day spent in the beautiful but unfortunate village. I was afraid to imagine the health problems that the pollution would have caused in people who lived there permanently.
The next day, we went to the riverbed in the village. We were spellbound by the beauty of the place. Nobody would expect that beautiful river to be polluted with the untreated effluents, acids and other wastes from the industries. But there it was, flowing calm and serene, holding tones of toxic pollutants within, threatening the very lives of the fishermen and anybody else who would dare to touch its waters. When a boatman showed us his hands with the skin and some flesh eaten away by the toxins in the water, we were too horrified to react…..the worst part was that he expected the rest of it to be eaten away too, revealing the bones soon! What on the earth has befallen their way? I could think of no logic or reason why the authorities fail to acknowledge the plight of these communities. The villages here are also deprived of drinking water supply with all the ground water being polluted. They’ve virtually lost everything that would sustain a living- their lands are no more cultivable, their water and air are polluted and there are no fishes in the river. But the fighting spirit keeps them going….
With a heavy heart, we went back to the school to meet the kids. They were taught to sketch with charcoal over the mud background on their charts. Almost every kid drew things that were related to industrial pollution. The teachers of the school are doing a great job, educating these children in the best possible way. Every child plants a sapling and takes care of the plant as it grows. The pride in their faces as they took us around the garden to show their plant that had just flowered, when they sang the songs that they knew, and their dance that they were rehearsing for the annual day can hardly be described. It was their time to ‘show off’!
I was talking to the Headmistress of the school, when she said ‘These kids used to fight a lot, beat up each other and were very difficult to handle; but the gardening routine has helped hem overcome their violent nature. They now have a sense of responsibility and patience’. The teachers also put in their own money to teach these kids yoga and dance. In all, they have initiated a process that heals the anger in these kids. Kudos to these dedicated people!
When we left the village, we were a little wiser. We silently resolved to go back, to work with those wonderful people and to learn………….

http://www.sipcotcuddalore.com/updates_130305.html

To be or not to be....

With my prefinal year in college drawing to a close,I've started feeling a pressure from all around me.Hey am not alone here!(Guess all the pre finalites agree..)Well the question is obvious and one cannot afford to avoid it-'What next?'
Work?Higher education?(and probably marriage for some of my peers-sadly,thats not one of the options for me.)There is no dearth of expert advice.Only,there is too much of it.With all the elder brothers,friends and teachers pushing for higher studies,one is confronted with a range of options-GRE,GATE,CAT,MAT..................Again,if one chooses to write GRE aiming for higher education abroad,you run the risk of exploiting your parents(atleast you get to be blamed that way)Afterall,you have depended enough on them.Its time to be independent!GATE,unfortunately is not my cup o' tea.I hate to pursue higher education in science in one of the doomed laboratories out here.CAT might be good option-but for time being,it gets you scared enough..
And hey did you forget to listen to your parents?-According to them,its best to get placed in one of the companies that come for Campus interviews.For them,its a prestige issue.With all their colleagues' offsprings adorning good positions in good companies,it would just be humiliating if they cant proclaim where you got placed.So join the party!!!!!!
So every cursed pre-final year student slogs round the clock in an attempt to prepare for all the above mentioned exams+campus interviews+routine acad.Man..talk about the cool college life and fun!
Ultimately,what I want doesnt matter to anybody-even to myself at times.Do I want to be just yet another 'engineer' getting placed in a company that goes on a mass recruitment spree once a year?Or do I want to do something that I enjoy and be recognized for what Iam?Does individuality count.........Should I even dare to dream of being unique...Or should I end up fulfilling everybody else's dream at the cost of mine?The answer seems elusive.For ,if I chase a dream that is my own,I would be branded a loser and a traitor by the family and society....and if I join the race,I would lose myself...