What is what is.....@@!..!??

The other day I was reading a collection of J.Krishnamoorthy's talks on self-knowledge(now, dont brand me.this is only a rare phenomenon that occurs in times of depression or total joblessness).I stumbled upon his answer for a question on the duality.He says that duality is a result of an inner conflict between 'what is' and 'what is not'.In his example,he takes takes arrogance, the not socially acceptable virtue(!) as 'what is' and humility,the ideal virtue as 'what is not'.In his desire to be the ideal and hence socially be accepted,the individual strives to be 'what is not'.This creates conflict and ultimately the duality and the perplexity...
So much for social acceptance!I assume that this craving for the social acceptance stems from the conditioning.The society has laid down things that are acceptable for itself and things that are not.Who decides?Unfortunately,somebody did and we chose to follow blindly...When I decide that I do not need the acceptance of the society and just be 'what is',the society just cannot take it.It follows me,it is 'concerned' and it forcefully makes me believe that without its acceptance I would be doomed(which I would gladly be).Now,I dare to make a second assumption that Iam firm about being 'what is'.Here comes the herculean task-how do I identify 'what is' and 'what is not'?
We cannot follow krishnamoorthy's example and come to a conclusion that the socially unacceptable is always 'what is'.It might just not be the case.We cannot also decide that we see the socially acceptable as 'what is' only because of the conditioning.It might be 'what is' afterall....If I have to break all the conditioning to know 'what is' and 'what is not',how do I go about it?Is it really possible to still live in this society and break the very conditioning that it has forced upon me.Well though I think that breaking the conditioning might be possible,it would be quite difficult to say the same about identifying 'what is' and 'what is not'.If we take happiness and self satisfaction as measures to identify 'what is' there is a possiblity for us to be wrong.The happiness might just be because of the change or something that is momentary.I might not enjoy doing it for long.
So what then is the solution to this problem of identifying 'what is' and 'what is not'?I need time.........I need to reflect on myself,my priorities,things that I dont mind losing for 'what is'.I need to know both 'what is' and 'what is not' and then let 'what is' permeate me and stay forever.This,ofcourse wouldn't be an effort which it should not be in any case.It should just be experiencing both and letting 'what is' take its place all by itself.But time is what appears to be too dear.The question of to be or not to be that I had raised earlier interferes with this process of identifying 'what is'.Suddenly,my time doesnt seem to be mine afterall....Its the 'concerned' society that dictates what is to be done at each stage.One has to wait untill one is independent(in the worldly sense..hmmm.....financially??) because, you are not allowed to disobey your parents or shatter their dreams.Would the wait ever end?