Dhruva's musings

The following was written by Dhruva, a friend of mine. I found it echoing my
own feelings and hence am putting it up here

I don't know whether it's me or it's everybody else. Probably
both.
Everybody is going on pretending that everything is just fine.
But they're boiling inside. Even I'm putting on a show anytime
anyone asks what's up. Ya man, things are okay, just another
couple of months of college, don't know what to do but I think
I'll manage.And all the time I'm shit scared inside. It's like,
whats the use in telling people that you're concerned about
something or scared of something?How many people can we actually
talk to about our fears? That's how many real friends we have.
We keep seeing things in ourselves that we don't want to see,
don't want to acknowledge. And that makes us only look at things
on the surface, to try and hold on to. Background, 'talent',
flair, being cool, being cool because you're uncool, being a
super-me,hating and condemning everybody else as big fools
because I'm the only person who knows the secret to happiness.
But what makes us hold on? Why do we keep trying to say, I'm this,
I'm that,I'm not this, I'm not that, I should do this, not that,
this is good, that is bad?It's funny because we keep talking all
the time about freedom and free spirit and all that like it's a
distant dream, and at the same time, we only try to keep it as a
dream because we don't want it now.We want to build these big
ideas,these buildings, we make plans, we think we should do
things this way or that way because this is what I believe in and
that's not what I believe in. This-ism, that-ism. And in the end,
the thing we build or make will reflect all of that, but we're too
stuck to see it. We don't want to be wrong. We think and then
we freeze and then that's who we are for the rest of eternity.
And then if we want to be something else, we beat up ourselves
about that too.
And as a part of the yo! generation, we continue to criticise
governments and corporations and institutions and power structures
and families and parents and traditions for saying 'Do this, do
that,don't do this, don't do that, when the real culprits are
ourselves. We don't see that most of the things we do and think
are just reactions.We don't allow ourselves to evolve. It's all
in jerks and pushes and shoves. Yes, no, no, yes. We choose to
see the differences among ourselves, but don't see the similarities.
We don't even see that we have a choice about that. We all want to
have all the answers. We want to play all games on our own terms.
We're still slaves. We want slavery. We don't want to accept that
we can actually do anything anytime anywhere. The thought is scary.
We only want to project the illusion of freedom by showing people
that we are go-getters and big achievers and what not. But we're
driven by our own blocks. We often don't want to acknowledge what
we don't know.